Perhaps it wasn't safety you were seeking after all, but wholeness and an untamed, erupting sort of aliveness?
No matter how many profound insights you have, how many amazingly powerful awakening experiences you collect, or how convinced you become that you have it all together, you will always be at risk for the beloved to step in and pull the rug out from underneath you. He or she will do whatever it takes to reveal your true nature as open, naked, unprecedented, and outside the realm of the conceptual altogether.
No, it will likely never turn out quite like you thought it would. You can be grateful for that. Perhaps the creative and destructive activity of love will never ask that you transcend your vulnerability, cover over your sensitivity, "heal" your tenderness, or end up in some pre-conditioned, second-hand state that has been described by another. For your journey is yours alone.
Perhaps love will always seed your world with the emissaries of full-spectrum reorganization, come to scatter its sacred nectar and fragrances throughout the four directions. Before you turn from this activity and abandon it as an "obstacle" to your path, renew your vow to stay close and to no longer abandon the wildness within you. For this reorganization is holy, unbearably creative, and is forming the substance of the path in every moment.
When you are totally unclothed – of all of your spiritual concepts and certain, safe knowing – love will show you what you are. When the known crumbles away, all that remains is your burning heart. There is nothing more alive than that. There is nothing more sacred than that.
Art by Eleni Tsami